You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
