I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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