so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
