hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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