I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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