Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
