I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
