I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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