I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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