I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
