Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
