I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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