I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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