She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
