Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
