drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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