I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
