Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
