actually, I'm a sock model
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
