at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
