I want to have your abortion
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
