I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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