You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
