how can u be prego again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
