Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
