I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
