All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
