are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
