CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize