I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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