Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
