She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
