Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
