it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
