if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
