So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
