I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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