Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize