Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
