dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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