Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
