The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
