Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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