i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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