Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
