our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Shame is for Republicans.
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