Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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