you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
