Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize