we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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