I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
