im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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