I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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