He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
