hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
