I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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