do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
