i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
