oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
