I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
