its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
