Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You ate ashes out of my bong
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
