u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You can't special order awesome
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
