Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sorry my hands just texted you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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