Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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