I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
