Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
