I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
