recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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