So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
