Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
