Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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