I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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