no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
