we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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